Choose your own adventure: Chad edition

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Topic: Choose your own adventure: Chad edition

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Chad

#1 posted July 3, 2009 at 3:39pm (EST)

(I was requested to do another CYOA, doing a different approach with this one)

You wake up as the sun just starts to penetrate the shades. You look at the alarm clock, which is slightly fuzzy and realize it is only 5. You roll onto your back and hear a "mmmmh" next to you. You look over and realize there is a woman in bed with you. She's a bit of a mess right now, but appears to be reasonable attractive. You smile to yourself, giving yourself some minor kudos, though you can't remember her name or even what you did last night. You look around the room and it is completely foreign to you. On the wall you see a marvelous painting

[full]
As you chuckle about it, you realize this is no painting a woman would own. You start panicking, assuming that you are making some man a cuckold who will soon barge in and kick your ass. After all, any man that owns a painting such as that is sure to be a major bad ass.

So you get up and walk through the door which seems strangely low. You normally have significant clearance under doorways but you nearly brushed your hear on the top of the door. As you walk into the bathroom you see an unfamiliar sight in the mirror. At first you think it is the incredible badass here to kick your ass but you quickly understand something out of this world has happened. You see a pair of glasses which you put on to get a better understanding of the surroundings. Since someone else is around, you don't want to start yelling and screaming, that could just make things worse. You start walking around and as you go upstairs you see a bowl with a wallet in it. You open said wallet and look at the id. You bring it to mirror and as you look at the license and your face you start shaking. Chad? I am Chad? I fudging hate that ass hole. Why me? What is going on here?

You start looking around some more and find a computer. You log onto gametz. You open up your messages and see one from Nick. You open it and see that it has a phone number in it. His phone number? God, you hope so. You know that Nick has a massive man crush on Chad. If anyone is an authoritative figure on Chad related knowledge, it is Nick. You call that number. You hear a groggy "Hello?"
"Umm, hey dude. Sorry, did I wake you? This is Chad."
"....."
"Chad from Gametz."
"Huh? Really!? DUDE! Chad, how's it going!!!!"
"Oh, pretty good. I was thinking you know, I don't have anything to do this weekend so maybe we could hang out."
"Oh my god, absolutely! You could come chill at my new place, you'd like it! We could talk about cars, watch movies, maybe wrassle a little bit, in a non-gay way of course."
"Haha, yeah, sounds good man. But first I need to know if you are a real friend. Over the years I have told a lot about myself and i need to know you were paying attention. If you can answer some questions about me, I'll hang out with you."
"Oh absolutely dude! Without a doubt!"
"Alright, first, where do I work?"
"You work at B&**(#& in Kent."
"That's right. What kind of car do I drive?"
"Your daily driver is a green 4runner, your project car is a 71 lemans!!!!"
"Yes, very good. If I was to tell you there is a woman in my bed right now, what would her name be?"
"Ummmm.... crap, I know you said this before.... sorry bro, I can't remember.... I know you said you have a new GF though"
"Hmmm, its ok, don't worry about it. Send me your address and what time is good for you on Saturday. I'll see you then."
"Oh, right on man!! Crap, this is going to be so awesome."
Click

Ok, you have some good information. Maybe not everything you need, but enough to get started.

What do you do now?

A) Get on gametz and ask for guidance
B) Try going to work
C) Try having sex with the unnamed woman in your bed
D) Do some self mutilation, assuming that eventually you will be out of this body and since you hate Chad, you want to hurt him.

Forgotten_Freshness
oontz oontz oontz oontz

#41 posted July 4, 2009 at 10:24am (EST)

C. I like mackey, I think he could be onto something.

darkslime

#42 posted July 4, 2009 at 11:23am (EST)

Technosphile

#43 posted July 4, 2009 at 2:29pm (EST)

Knight
MOAR

#44 posted July 4, 2009 at 7:22pm (EST)

Joe

#45 posted July 4, 2009 at 8:51pm (EST)

Mendo

#46 posted July 4, 2009 at 10:01pm (EST)

Bears

(frozen)

#47 posted July 5, 2009 at 1:51am (EST)

RULost119

#48 posted July 5, 2009 at 12:58pm (EST)

sugiz0r

#49 posted July 6, 2009 at 3:26pm (EST)

omfg this has me cracking up. A!!!!

Technosphile

#50 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:00pm (EST)

Where the hell is the next installment?

Grimlock

#51 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:08pm (EST)

Chad, you're slacking.

2008-2009 STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

Chad

#52 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:28pm (EST)

yeah yeah

A

You send a PM to bob saying "If your offer to party and help me deal my meth is still open, I would love to attend your next event, kind sir."
To which he responds "Yesh dude, fudgein bbq and crap for orgies yeah. Fat doges, weed, bbq byom lolol but yeah." and then he provides you an address. You don't want to be confused any further so you get in your car and start driving to texas.

As the miles roll by, you start contemplating your situation more seriously. After killing carrot top, you hadn't really had time to think about what is happening. You have seen tons of movies and tv shows but categorizing this is difficult. It isn't some freaky friday situation, as that is generally because you had direct contact with someone. Nor is it a Big type scenario. The closest you can think of is this is a Quantum Leap type situation where you are an unknowing Sam Becket. Does this mean that Chad is living his life with some sort of regret or is there a critical action he must do that he is unwilling? Maybe you will have to pay better attention to your interactions with other people in the future to get some clues as to how to get out of this hell.

After many hours of marathon driving, thanks in large part to your large stash of meth, you pull into bobs place. He greets you wearing overalls with only 1 of the straps button so it shows off his left nipple. He notices you looking so he begins rubbing it coyly with a come hither look in his eyes. Talking to him is like talking to an immigrant just off the boat where your only exposure to their language is from watching a soap opera in that language once a week for the last couple of months. Basically it is a lot of hand gestures to get what you want expressed, in part due to his accent, but mostly because of his severe retardation. To counter this, you smoke more meth so that you will be on the same plane of thought.

As it turns out, tonight is one of Bob's famous bbqs and orgies where the only rules are you must wash your hands after eating, all else goes. As you dine on the delicious chicken and ribs, you start peddling your meth. Small volumes, but you got a lot of inbred and horny hicks looking to get high. After your stash is about half sold, you get a terribly fat dog that appears to be an eskimo asking if she can do anything to get some meth for free. Before answering she takes down your pants and begins giving a special eskimo kiss. She's terribly fat and somewhat manly looking, but the hot sun, good food and body full of meth makes it hard to say no. As you are entering ecstasy, you feel someone licking around your ass hole. Normally you aren't one for ass play, but hey, this is one of bob's world famous orgies where anything goes. After a few more minutes you come like you have never come before. Panting and exhausted you give the BJ queen of the great north a half ounce of your meth and as you turn around to thank the rim jobber you see nothing. As you look down you realize it was a dwarf. A male dwarf. "How about returning the favor man?" he asks. You start freaking out. Everyone is looking at you now. You didn't want some dude tongueing your sphincter, you feel that is a rather reasonable feeling, but suddenly you become the bad guy as the dwarf accuses you of being a bigoted midget hater. You try explaining your situation but those eyes watching you become more and more hateful. What do you do?

A) Kick the dwarfs ass
B) Try to find bob and have him explain the situation
C) High tail it out of there
D) Pass out free meth to diffuse the situation

BTD

BTRs

#53 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:41pm (EST)

A
Why not Check out the GTZ Official Junkyard Forum? Broken stuff for all!

BJB

#54 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:49pm (EST)

"Quantum Leap" crap? Try "Being John Malkovich." thats more like it. Id have to go with C and steal Bob's tractor and fly down the corn field.

Promo Marketplace
http://gametz.com/forum/USER%3A114794

Chad

#55 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:53pm (EST)

the first CYOA was BJM so this time im going quantum leap. IF THAT OFFENDS YOU MAKE YOUR OWN CYOA!!!!!!!

Technosphile

#56 posted July 6, 2009 at 4:54pm (EST)

E, stop reading this b/c now its just creepy

BJB

#57 posted July 6, 2009 at 5:07pm (EST)

sorry I dont remeber the first one

Promo Marketplace
http://gametz.com/forum/USER%3A114794

goldbera

#58 posted July 6, 2009 at 5:13pm (EST)

Its hotter than hell down here in Texas this summer - go with C. You need to cool down.

Chad

#59 posted July 6, 2009 at 5:38pm (EST)

BJB wrote:
> sorry I dont remeber the first one
>
.
http://gametz.com/forum/General/topic/332697.html#...

Forgotten_Freshness
oontz oontz oontz oontz

#60 posted July 6, 2009 at 5:39pm (EST)

Mendo

#61 posted July 6, 2009 at 5:56pm (EST)
edited July 6, 2009 at 5:56pm (EST)

rimjob'd by a midget? thats grounds for an ass kicking

A (although you should kick Bobs ass for not warning about the homo action)

SEspo

#62 posted July 6, 2009 at 7:17pm (EST)

Why is there no rimjob the Midget back? Ugh.. I'll go with B

Chad

#63 posted July 6, 2009 at 7:24pm (EST)

you can put that as an option and if enough go with it it will be chosen.

King_link

#64 posted July 6, 2009 at 7:25pm (EST)

This story needs more Bob

B

"DONNY, YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT!"

Grimlock

#65 posted July 6, 2009 at 8:09pm (EST)

B

Where did a dwarf come from? Were you really on meth when this was written?

2008-2009 STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS

Chad

#66 posted July 6, 2009 at 8:21pm (EST)

hes one of bob's homies.

kess

#67 posted July 6, 2009 at 8:23pm (EST)

RDTZ

#68 posted July 6, 2009 at 8:45pm (EST)

D
My word is LAWL.

Bears

(frozen)

#69 posted July 6, 2009 at 9:02pm (EST)

CoachMcGuirk
Coach McGuirk

#70 posted July 6, 2009 at 9:46pm (EST)

Black Hole Brew pub is open for business! Drunken ramblings encouraged!

Knight
MOAR

#71 posted July 6, 2009 at 10:28pm (EST)

oldskoolandy

#72 posted July 6, 2009 at 11:40pm (EST)

DirtyMarco

#73 posted July 7, 2009 at 12:08am (EST)

BJB wrote:
> "Quantum Leap" crap? Try "Being John Malkovich." thats more like it.
> Id have to go with C and steal Bob's tractor and fly down the corn
> field.
>
Quantum Leap pwns all. Get the fudge out with that "Being John Malkovich" crap

Chad

#74 posted July 7, 2009 at 12:34am (EST)

B by close margin

"Dude, you guys just need to chill. I'm a friend of bobs, hell explain the situation."
As the angry mob talks amongst themselves you see bob and get his attention You explain the situation to him and once again going through the excessive use of hand gestures, everyone understands. Then then points at you, sticks out his tongue and points at the midgets ass, after which he crosses him arms. The crowd begins to chant "rim job, rim job, rim job" closing in tighter on you. You panic. Not knowing what to do, you get on your knees near the dwarfs ass. As he drops trow you just know you can't go through with it. So you punch the midget in the balls as hard as you can. While the crowd is in shock over your actions, you sprint to the 4runner and jump in. A few people are now blocking your way but you floor it, running over 3 of them. You think to yourself "in for a penny, in for a pound". Since you have just murdered 3 inbreds, you figure you need to finish off the rest of the bbqers. Wholesale slaughter begins as you kill dozens of bob's retarded friends.

Only bob remains standing. You hop out of your car and he tries reasoning with you.
"You shouldn't have told me to rim job the dwarf BOB. Why did you have to tell me to rim job the dwarf, BOB You knew I couldn't do that. What options did I have? I had to kill everyone. And now only you remain." He starts talking jibberish as you get your trusty bowling pin out of the truck that you had used to kill Carrot Top. You walk forward him menacingly. He puts his hands up but you wail away, crushing bones as blood flies everywhere. You suddenly snap out of it as you realize that you just killed 50 odd people just because you didn't want to lick a dwarf's ass hole. Not knowing how much DNA evidence you have left in the scene, you pour diesel on all the bodies and toss a match on as you walk away.

You jump in your truck but know that you have blood and flesh and hair and lots of body damage you will be unable to explain. So you drive to the nearest lake and push the 4runner in. You go to a junk yard and buy a 1999 hyundai elantra that barely runs for $150. You do this to avoid a paper trail as you dont want anyone to know you were ever in texas.

As the sun begins to set, you contemplate your options.

A) Head back to Washington. You still need to hang out with Nick, after all
B) Head to CR to hang out with Mackey. You still got about 3/4 pound of meth to deal
C) Find hitch hikers to pick up and play it by ear
D) Do something completely irrational

DirtyMarco

#75 posted July 7, 2009 at 12:40am (EST)

Grimlock

#76 posted July 7, 2009 at 12:46am (EST)

I think this is an actual confession.