Summary Being four years old, can Halo 2 stand up against great FPSs of the next-gen consoles today? Short answer, no.

Description To start things off, yes, I am bias against Halo in all of its forms. In fact, the only reason I got this game was because it was cheap and it has co-op, which is what I look for in FPSs, if you can even call this an FPS. Just thought I'd clear that up so you don't catagorize me as being like most, if not all of you, a Halo fanboy. Note : to get the most from my review, turn your swear filter off. Story: Throughout the course of the game, you'll play as some guy named Master Chief, and some hideous alien thingy who's character model (face in particular) is so bad that it'll make you want to poke your eyes out with letter openers, but I digress. You periodically swap between these 2 characters as you shoot your way through their segments to reach their goals of... .... .... um? Well? There is this big thing with tenicles that reminds me of the Elder God from the Legacy of Kain series... ... And, um? Oh! Some hologram dog who gets so tiring listening to, It makes you want to take the aformentioned letter openers and take yet another one of your five sences by shoving them into your ear channals. Ok, Halo 2 doesn't have much of a story, or even a story at all. During the time I wrote this review, I posted a thread in the forums discussing why games have so much story these days, and Halo 2 falls under my preferred catagory (not too much story at all). While I like more gameplay than story, this is just a pathetic display. Giant evil rings in space and a council of aliens who look like ET if he were some deity doesn't make for good story telling if there is absolutely nothing else to back it. Think of the absolute worst story you've ever seen, heard, etc. Cut it in half, add a cast of lame characters, and make it craptier. Multiply that 10-fold, and your still not even close to Halo 2's bile-fest. Gameplay: Given the hype, you'd think the game shines as brightly in all fields as it does in the gameplay, but you'd be wrong if you thought that. I'll hand it to bungie, they damn near perfected a console FPS control scheme. There are a few other Xbox FPSs that immitate bingie's work, TimeSplitters: Future Perfect being one that comes to mind. While the controls are spot-on and ingenious, there are alot of other aspects of the gameplay I can get pissy about. Take the Brutes for instance, who always weild the oh-so-cleaverly named Brute-shot. Not only does it take like a trillion bullets to take them down and the fact that they always show up in groups of like 20, the main thing that pissed me off about these enemies was their attack strategy - rush you and tackle. Not only does one tackle from one of these gargantuan football player rejects take about half of your shield generater, but there is always, ALWAYS a conveniently placed bottomless hole that these komakaze daredevils will push you into. This in itself made me want to take the game disc out of my Xbox and slash my own throat with it. Another thing that is super duper skewed are the snipers. Now, with this, I have to stop lashing Halo 2 and turn my lashing to... Halo 2, and all other semi-current FPS games on the market today. Why is it that these days, every single sniper can hit you, 10,000 meters away, perfect shot (of course) in every first person game now-a-days? If I were to mention everything about this "game" that I had a problem with, my review would be unfathomably long, so I'm going to take one more point and move on. The Needler. Need I say more? this weapon is so useless that; ok, let me put it this way. Don't you think something is wrong with a gun if three people are dual-weilding it, surrounded you, then unleased everything they had, and you still manage to take all 3 of them down with the slightly less crapty battle rifle? What sucks most about that weapon is that that's what you'll usually get stuck using in multiplayer while there is that "one guy" weilding a Series 1 80,000 ZXB combat shotgun that from 60 feet away will still deplete you life to beeping red in one shot. Other guns, vehicles, and level layout are few other aspects that I had some major gripes with. Graphics: Ok, I'd be lying if I said that Halo 2 doesn't look good. For the most part, character models and environments look pretty good. The explosions also make for a nice effect. That Arbiter guy's and human faces look fudge-ugly though. Sound: With all of my hatred and disgust toward the Halo franchise, I'll give the musical score some props. The musical score, and the musical score alone! From time to time, you get super pumped to blow away legions of aliens because the battle medley is so awesome. Unfortunatley, those times are few, while alot of the time, you get stuck listening to either nothing or other music that'll make you want to take those same letter openers again and make sure you plunge them into your ears deeper this time. The voice acting is ok, but the enemy voice acting is just plain horrible! You have these big monster guys who sound like a strongman compitition and these little grunt butt-hole who soung exactly like the Forest Critters from those couple episodes of South Park. Xbox Live: People often say that online gameplay makes up for a disappointing campaign experience, however, I don't give two craps about online. There are a few things in this word that I'll never understand: paying alot for toilet paper (something that you wipe your ass with), buying an SUV, laptop computers, and online gaming. It'll be a cold, cold day in hell when I give microsoft more of my money to play this crap with loser, fanboys across on the internet, but I suppose some people are into that sort of thing. I would much rather spend my $14.95 a month on condoms for sex with women, something most Halo fanboys can only dream about while they're immersed in their sea of Halo craptiness convincing themselves that it is and will forever be the gratest thing this world has ever known. Collector's Edition: This would be your standard "Pay $10 more at launch to get this fudging worthless 2nd disc" tin set. This is where you will find the whole shabang of pointless garbage: - The Making of Halo 2: Behind the scenes of Bungie Studios - Featurettes of Game Design, Animation, Music and More - Deleated Scenes and Outtakes - Art Gallery: From Concept to Game - Commentaries from the Development Team <-- Asswipes! - And much More!... Crap. The only real use I found from this bonus set was punding the aluminum tin into a nifty helment, and using the 2nd disc to slice my pizza. If you're smart, like me, you'd have waited 4 years and pick this up in a bargain bin, but for those of you idiots who waited with thousands of equally nerdy fanboys to score this supposed "Limited Edition" set from Gamestop on launch night, Microsoft fudging played you like the suckers you are. Not to mention the marketing ploy Microsoft and Bungie cooked up in the smoke filled room of their Halo cartel. The Multiplayer Map Pack was just one more way Bungie could stick their hands in your pockets. "Let's hold back on some of the multiplayer levels and then sell them at a slightly later time." $20 for 9 levels. Let me say that one more time. $20 for 9 levels. When I first heard of the MMP, I thought, "Ha! That will never sell." MILLIONS! This alone sold fudging millions! A fool and his money will soon depart I suppose. Again, if you were smart like me, you would have bought it used at Gamestop and then return it for your cash back when you upload the maps on your Xbox. I don't know. Maybe it's just the fact that I have a brain in my head that made me think of that simple strategy that any 2 year old could think up. If I ever get stuck playing this game again, I'm going to take a ladle and shove it up my own ass. The reason? I figure, if I'm going to be in this much pain, I'm going to do it to myself. No matter how rave the reviews Halo 2 has gotten, the only reason I still have this game is as a monument to how medeocre an experience it truely is. Other Scores Halo 2 Recieved Game Informer - 10, 10 (out of 10) Elecrtonic Gaming Monthly - 10, 10, 10 (out of 10) Gamespot - 9.4 (out of 10) Gamespy - 5 (out of 5) IGN - 9.8 (out of 10) That makes me want to vomit in rage! Review Page Hits: 3 today (19 in the last 30 days) Create Your Own Review or