General

Topic Relationship story... what was this girl thinking?

Xellos2099

* 7-May(#1)

I got a relationship story to share. When you think about it , every aspect is kind of insane.

A few month ago, There is a girl, we work for the same company but different deparment. She was temperory assign to same department as me. At the beginning we don't really talk; but something happen we end up talking and we hit it off right away. I discovered her love for anime since one day she was wearing a Kaio-ken cost and she discover my love for game when I was calling Gamestop around the town for FFVII Rebirth special edition. She was initally judgementally say Final Fantasy... really? Then she start laughing since she played Kingdom Heart and a gamer too. I think at that point I start fallng for her. She mentioned something about boyfriend during conversation but I have never seen a picture and she seems to welcome my flirting and attention. At some point she mention she had terrible headache so I decide to give her some chinese herbal oil to help. She seems very touched and start touching my arm and say she really appreciate what I am doing for her. I might have accidenly confessed by saying i like her smile and when she is hurting i am hurt too etc.

Eventually she was call back to her department, which is effectively the next room. I made it a habit to go visit her at her station each morning and effectly smile at each other when we bump into each other for lunch. We start having lunch tegether once a week and she seems to really enjoy my home made food that I share with. I also start texting her after work and on weekend. We never hold hand or hug; but i usually give her headpat, touching her shoulder and arm a bit or we stand really close together. It get to the point i know she secretly telling her female co-worker friend I like her; she even say it openly in a room but in a low tone that I can hear it. You know it, when things seems too good, shoe will fell.

One day I was in a flirty mood and so I send her a message on her discord after work that if I can have a picture of her with her pretty and cute smile, pretty normal, right? I mean a normal picture, not nude or anything. Then the responds give me the scare, her word was my boyfriend wouldn't take too kindly to that, then radio silence. The next day I went to see her, she was pretty distance and cold. It wasn't till another day i can get to be semi alone with her and ask if she is upset. She finally tell me what happen; her boyfriend(so he is real) saw the picture request message and get really angry with her. She didn't tell me what exactly happen after but she just say she doesn't want to talk about it and want to be leave alone. I told her I will keep a low profile for time being. At this point, I think the semi-affair we were having is over unless she decide to leave her boyfriend for me. For the next 2 weeks thing was cold, I still go say hi in the morning and such and she give genetic answer.

It wasn't until last week she actually say my name again withn a small smile and we talk a but more but no where as much as before. I still want to remain friendly with her; a co-worker I can talk about games and anime with is a SSR find; only time will tell if we can recover enough to talk normally like friend.

I am really curious what this girl was thinking, she have a boyfriend, yet she openly welcome my flirting and tell her friends about it too. No matter how you slice it, she only push back when I was caught red-handed. She could have end thing in the begining by saying let remain friend but she ate up the attention I give her too.

SwiftJAB

7-May(#2)

Sorry to hear that your relationship with this girl turned sour and you had to experience some heartache. Sounds like this girl loved the attention and maybe lacking some of that from her boyfriend. I would be cautious with this type of person as it seems like she doesn't know how to set healthy boundaries with people of the opposite sex, especially when she's in a relationship.

Xellos2099

* 7-May(#3)

I got a feeling we do share some kind of mutual attraction. At one point during the flirting I was thinking the boyfriend could be a fake story, afterall, she was kind of effectively cheating on him for being this close with me, aka emotional cheating . She only only upset after I get caught by the boyfriend. Although tbh, with the rate me and her flirt, we would be caught eventually.

benstylus

7-May(#4)

Even if she dumps her boyfriend to date you, how long do you think it would be until the scenario repeats?

Except this time you're the boyfriend and not the new man.

theJaw

* 7-May(#5)

She has a boyfriend. She told you she had a boyfriend. That’s where your “semi-affair” should have ended. Just like any human being, she enjoys attention. That’s not an inherent male or female attribute, it’s a very normal thing, and it doesn’t just disappear when one is in a relationship. Yes, she could have cut things off earlier — but you could have simply not initiated anything with the information you had from the very start. Can’t blame her, just move on. If she becomes single later on and reaches out, that’s when it’s appropriate to reciprocate.

Xellos2099

* 7-May(#6)

theJaw wrote:

> She has a boyfriend. She told you she had a boyfriend. That’s where your “semi-affair”

> should have ended. Just like any human being, she enjoys attention. That’s not

> an inherent male or female attribute, it’s a very normal thing, and it doesn’t

> just disappear when one is in a relationship. Yes, she could have cut things off

> earlier — but you could have simply not initiated anything with the information

> you had from the very start. Can’t blame her, just move on. If she becomes single

> later on and reaches out, that’s when it’s appropriate to reciprocate.

While that is true, I had not seen evidence of a boyfriend. She never bring up her boyfriend when I ask her how's her weekend. She may crave attention from but she was quite happily flirting with me as well. Remember, it take 2 to tango. Look, I am not blaming her; I was just trying to share a story trying to figure out her mindset.

Xellos2099

7-May(#7)

SwiftJAB wrote:

> Sorry to hear that your relationship with this girl turned sour and you had to experience

> some heartache. Sounds like this girl loved the attention and maybe lacking some

> of that from her boyfriend. I would be cautious with this type of person as it seems

> like she doesn't know how to set healthy boundaries with people of the opposite sex,

> especially when she's in a relationship.

I think that's the very defination of emotional cheating.

Tony

7-May(#8)

A motorcycle rider found a lamp with a genie inside. The genie tells him that he only gets one wish. The guy says he is afraid of flying, so he wants a bridge from California to Hawaii so he can just ride his motorcycle to the islands. The genie replies that such a bridge would be a disaster for the environment as it would interfere with whale migration lanes and such. The guy then says, "OK. I want to understand how women think." The genie replies, "One lane or two?"

The only thing you can do at this point is simply apologize for misunderstanding her signals and ask if you can still be friends - assuming you can accept that it may not develop into anything more.

theJaw

* 7-May(#9)

Xellos2099 wrote:

> While that is true, I had not seen evidence of a boyfriend. She never bring up her

> boyfriend when I ask her how's her weekend. She may crave attention from but she

> was quite happily flirting with me as well. Remember, it take 2 to tango. Look,

> I am not blaming her; I was just trying to share a story trying to figure out her

> mindset.

To be fair, and to be frank, she did not owe you "evidence" of a boyfriend and you should not have been investigating her social life regardless.

You should have quit when you heard her say she has a boyfriend. Point blank. I'm glad you don't blame her -- lots of dudes would. But "flirting" does not equate to "I'd like to spend the majority of my time with you" and that is just something folks learn as they navigate life. Again -- EVERYone craves attention, male or female, and human beings are prone to that sorta thing whether they're in a relationship or not. Folks like to pretend a significant other sets an automatic boundary that turns off all social triggers, but it doesn't. She told you she was in a relationship, so you should not have ventured further. The "semi-affair" or whatever you called it should weigh just as heavily on you as it does her. Wait to see how it pans out between those two -- respect their relationship so you prove you respect the concept of a relationship on a surface level. If it doesn't work out for them, then see if she'd be interested in hanging out.

benstylus

8-May(#10)

Xellos2099 wrote:

> While that is true, I had not seen evidence of a boyfriend.

Xellos2099 wrote: (in your 2nd paragraph)

> She mentioned something about boyfriend during conversation

Pretty sure someone telling you they have a boyfriend is evidence they have a boyfriend.

And if they don't, then they are almost always telling you that as a way to say STOP without the hurt feelings that might occur if they said "sorry not interested in you."

And if it's neither of those, she wants you to think she's having an affair to make it more exciting? Or to set you up as a creeper who will go after a woman who is already taken? Either way nothing good will come of it.

nonamesleft

* 8-May(#11)

Sometimes when something seems risky/unacceptable, this adds excitement, and people want to do it more. Perhaps she enjoyed the attention you were giving her even though she has a boyfriend, because it's like a risky relationship. But then when the boyfriend saw your text, maybe he got angry, and maybe then she decided it was too risky/too stressful?

ClearSights

8-May(#12)

Hoes gona be hoes

Tony

8-May(#13)

Unless she decides to be totally honest with you, all of us are just playing a fruitless game speculating about her motives. Maybe you'll feel better if you hear an explanation that fits your hopes about the situation and lets you sleep better at night.

At this point, you need to decide what you want. Do you want to try to salvage this relationship so that you have a female friend with similar interests, or do you want more? Is she so desirable that you are willing to accept spending an indefinite amount of time in the Friendzone with the hopes that sometime in the future there may be an opening for a new "boyfriend"?

Xellos2099

8-May(#14)

While I still like her, I am perfectly fine going back to being friend with her. I haven't flirt with her at all the past month and we begin to talk more now during morning and when we bump into each other for lunch. I guess we were way overly friendly with each other I am not sure what is acceptable or not. She ain't exactly talkative about the new boundary on what is allow or not. I am not even sure if I could text her to talk about normal things (work, games, anime etc) as I am sure text will be monitored now.

MrBean

* 8-May(#15)

"chinese herbal oil"

image

Xellos2099

8-May(#16)

MrBean wrote:

> "chinese herbal oil"

> [imgt w=420 h=294]https://i.postimg.cc/rmb1w525/f7a113c7c46e46e2a56c...[/imgt]

We had a good laugh on that one. After i give it to her, i text her later to ask did I sound like a "Snake Oil Salesman"

Xellos2099

* 8-May(#17)

nonamesleft wrote:

> Sometimes when something seems risky/unacceptable, this adds excitement, and people

> want to do it more. Perhaps she enjoyed the attention you were giving her even though

> she has a boyfriend, because it's like a risky relationship. But then when the boyfriend

> saw your text, maybe he got angry, and maybe then she decided it was too risky/too

> stressful?

I never exactly tell her that I like her; but it is probably implied thorugh action like an open secret. Like i said, once she told a new co-worker that I like her in a small whisper voice, but I did overheard it and I nearly facepalm myself. She probably told all her female friends about me but I have no proof. The week before I get caught, she was flirting with me big time. She jokingly accurse me of staring at her while she was talking to her co-worker, then she talk next to me and lean to me a bit with a playful smile. The next day i told her i don't want to see her sad then her biggest comeback was she openly say that because I like her in a small tone. I was completely shock; i was perfectly content of keeping the current status quote of us flirting with one another and she just say it out openly. I was telling her should she be saying that but she just smile and walk away. That probably was the trigger for me to ask for a cute photo of her and get caught. Even then, I am not even sure if I was really caught. The only thing I have is her word, but her tone and expression was filled with anger that I have never seen her express probably mean it is the truth. She seems to be taking a lot of risk for some cheap trill.

nonamesleft

8-May(#18)

Xellos2099 wrote:

> nonamesleft wrote:

>> Sometimes when something seems risky/unacceptable, this adds excitement, and people

>> want to do it more. Perhaps she enjoyed the attention you were giving her even

> though

>> she has a boyfriend, because it's like a risky relationship. But then when the

> boyfriend

>> saw your text, maybe he got angry, and maybe then she decided it was too risky/too

>> stressful?

> I never exactly tell her that I like her; but it is probably implied thorugh action

> like an open secret. Like i said, once she told a new co-worker that I like her

> in a small whisper voice, but I did overheard it and I nearly facepalm myself. She

> probably told all her female friends about me but I have no proof. The week before

> I get caught, she was flirting with me big time. She jokingly accurse me of staring

> at her while she was talking to her co-worker, then she talk next to me and lean

> to me a bit with a playful smile. The next day i told her i don't want to see her

> sad then her biggest comeback was she openly say that because I like her in a small

> tone. I was completely shock; i was perfectly content of keeping the current status

> quote of us flirting with one another and she just say it out openly. I was telling

> her should she be saying that but she just smile and walk away. That probably was

> the trigger for me to ask for a cute photo of her and get caught. Even then, I am

> not even sure if I was really caught. The only thing I have is her word, but her

> tone and expression was filled with anger that I have never seen her express probably

> mean it is the truth. She seems to be taking a lot of risk for some cheap trill.

Interesting. I don't know what to make of it. Maybe she was just doing what she thought was friendly and then maybe she felt that you went too far by asking for a picture? Who knows.

Xellos2099

* 9-May(#19)

nonamesleft wrote:

> Xellos2099 wrote:

>> nonamesleft wrote:

> |>> Sometimes when something seems risky/unacceptable, this adds excitement, and

> people

> |>> want to do it more. Perhaps she enjoyed the attention you were giving her even

>> though

> |>> she has a boyfriend, because it's like a risky relationship. But then when the

>> boyfriend

> |>> saw your text, maybe he got angry, and maybe then she decided it was too risky/too

> |>> stressful?

>> I never exactly tell her that I like her; but it is probably implied thorugh action

>> like an open secret. Like i said, once she told a new co-worker that I like her

>> in a small whisper voice, but I did overheard it and I nearly facepalm myself.

> She

>> probably told all her female friends about me but I have no proof. The week before

>> I get caught, she was flirting with me big time. She jokingly accurse me of staring

>> at her while she was talking to her co-worker, then she talk next to me and lean

>> to me a bit with a playful smile. The next day i told her i don't want to see

> her

>> sad then her biggest comeback was she openly say that because I like her in a

> small

>> tone. I was completely shock; i was perfectly content of keeping the current

> status

>> quote of us flirting with one another and she just say it out openly. I was telling

>> her should she be saying that but she just smile and walk away. That probably

> was

>> the trigger for me to ask for a cute photo of her and get caught. Even then,

> I am

>> not even sure if I was really caught. The only thing I have is her word, but

> her

>> tone and expression was filled with anger that I have never seen her express probably

>> mean it is the truth. She seems to be taking a lot of risk for some cheap trill.

> Interesting. I don't know what to make of it. Maybe she was just doing what she thought

> was friendly and then maybe she felt that you went too far by asking for a picture?

> Who knows.

Who knows at this point as she is tight liped on the matter. While it is true she is not under obligation to tell me anything other than I was caught; isn't it kind of double standard? If a man break up with a girl, he is suppose to man up and say why.

What likely happen was that I am providing the kind of emotional support that her boyfriend is not providing. We share some kind of mutual attraction and thus the flirting between us started. There was no reason for her to flirt with me that much if she was just being friendly. She also likely enjoyed the risk and danger emotions
I bring aka True Lie style. We probably enjoy each other company a lot.

On hindsight, it is probably a good time we get caught now as nothing physically happen between me and her yet. Any longer we might have involved a bit more physically and that would be the point of no return. Now before people calling me out I never should have started this in beginning; I knew it is not a good idea. My brain tell me it is not but my heart tells me otherwise.

Tony

* 10-May(#20)

Xellos2099 wrote: Now before people calling me out I never should have started this in beginning; I knew it is not a good idea. My brain tell me it is not but my heart tells me otherwise.

Unless you were only wanting a romantic relationship from the beginning, you did nothing wrong. You met someone you wanted to get to know better, and she was OK with it. She said she had a boyfriend, but that is a common defense mechanism to slow guys down. A friendship developed between the two of you and, not seeing evidence of the boyfriend, you wanted to take it to the next level. Your error was asking for the picture via text. In person, you should have asked about the boyfriend before trying to elevate out of the Friendzone.

DrizzDrizzDrizz

10-May(#21)

this entire thread is wild man

Xellos2099

* 10-May(#22)

Tony wrote:

> Xellos2099 wrote: Now before people calling me out I never should have started

> this in beginning; I knew it is not a good idea. My brain tell me it is not but

> my heart tells me otherwise.

> Unless you were only wanting a romantic relationship from the beginning, you did

> nothing wrong. You met someone you wanted to get to know better, and she was OK with

> it. She said she had a boyfriend, but that is a common defense mechanism to slow

> guys down. A friendship developed between the two of you and, not seeing evidence

> of the boyfriend, you wanted to take it to the next level. Your error was asking

> for the picture via text. In person, you should have asked about the boyfriend before

> trying to elevate out of the Friendzone.

You are right. I initially view her as a quiky co-worker who also like games and anime and it snowball there. One time she mention how she beat her sister in Soul Calibur in a such a manner i sigh and think to myself "No wonder I fall for this girl" While we do flirt with each other, I never once try to hold her hand or hug her nor do I ever attempt to ask her out on a date. It is as if I know things might change if i go further then what we were doing. I was content with being the so call side dude/ workhusband, as we do have a decent amount of age gap. I truly enjoy her as a friend/ potential love interest label and didn't want things to change. The thing is, I WAS going to ask her in person if we can take the flirting thing a little further the next time we meet up for lunch after she just announce that I like her openly. I mean, seriously, I was thinking to myself is this really a behavior of someone who have a boyfriend would do? I call her out on it too by saying is this something you really should be saying and she just smile and walk away. Is asking for a picture really truly this serious; I am truly curious . Or is it serious because the boyfriend caught me asking or she is selling me a very big lie. I through of it just something I can look at when I can't see her and get lonely, i end up getting a screenshot of her photo in her Linkedin profile, which made the whole thing even more depressing as it is something i can get without asking her.

Now, i am just trying to fix thing with her back to the point we can talk noramlly as friend with no more flirting. The first 2 weeks were tough, I was trying toi act normal and say morning to her and her reply is a bit cold. Only recently she start acting a bit nicer to me and i can held some small talk with her.

razeak

11-May(#23)

You were actively skeezing from minute 1. It's entirely possible you suck at reading signals or that she sucks at being clear (besides the part she said she had a boyfriend). Regardless, would you want your girlfriend to be like that with another guy? And you think she is so great..........but she is skeezing on her man? Nah. That's trash. You won't be any more special than he is. I've watched this garbage play out at work a dozen times the past two decades.

Leave them be before you get the dude hurt or create a volatile situation and she or you gets a beating. People really just ignore the consequences on this stuff and it blows my mind.

Have you done this before?

razeak

11-May(#24)

Bro.....this reads like the fedora bit that made the rounds a few years ago.

"I like games, she likes games. We're soulmates."

Stalking her profile pic? Like.............,.....

Is this how you "fall" for other girls in the past?

Best1989

* 18-May(#25)

DrizzDrizzDrizz wrote:

> this entire thread is wild man

image

rayzor6

19-May(#26)

Seriously...the right thing to do is also the best thing to do.

If someone has a relationship...you stop thinking of that other person as anything other than a work friend and treat them like YOU would want someone to treat a girl you were dating.

I get it with having things in common with a girl you think is cute. It's hard to resist that...but you must.

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General

Topic Relationship story... what was this girl thinking?

Topic Relationship story... what was this girl thinking?